Warning this Blog may contain strong language
The Apprentice is back on Wednesday with a fresh batch of candidates all eagerly eyeing up Lord Sugar'senormous pile of cash impressive business acumen. First, though, they have to face a series of gruelling tasks, late nights, backstabbing colleagues and people saying "myself" instead of "me".
One person who made it through the process - and ended up with a serious injection of cash into his business - was 2014 winner Mark Wright (not that one, the other one), whose digital marketing agency Climb Online now has more than 25 employees and over 150 clients. Who better to give the new business hopefuls some tips?
1. Do... be yourself (unless you're a bit of a tit)
"When you watch the show, you can see people trying to pretend to be one of two things: either they try to be like candidates from the past who were successful, or they try and take on a persona of what they think the public wants. And they come crashing down because you're there for so long you can't be anyone but yourself. I think because I hadn't seen the show before, that was really in my favour."
2. Don't... be afraid to be ballsy (even if it rubs Lord Sugar up the wrong way)
"I think so many people are worried about putting themselves in the firing line and making a mistake that they don't do anything and they just get flushed out - they just become white noise in the end and then they get fired and no-one ever knows who you were. You're better off to make a decision. If it's the wrong one, go in there and justify what the decision was. And at least then Alan Sugar knows who you are, the other candidates know who you are and you're a bit of a contestant. Some people do absolutely jack crap because they don't want to make a mistake."
3. Don't... throw other candidates under the bus
"I was always throwing people under the bus! I think in the first couple of series you would have got away with it, but now Lord Sugar's been there 11 years, he has seen every trick in the book. So he calls you out, he smokes you out and he'll pick the guys out that are throwing people under the bus or just sitting back - he'll force them into Project Manager and then turn the screws on them to see what they're made of and they'll go."
4. Don't... let Lord Sugar forget your name
"Bless Lord Sugar, we love him, but he's getting a bit older now and he's not the best with names. The thing with him is he only sees what's in front of him so you need to put yourself dead in front of him, whether that's being Project Manager and winning, sticking up for someone when they're getting kicked, whatever it might be - he'll only notice you if you're doing something. And he will just fire you if he doesn't know you. It sounds so simple but I guarantee you the first task we'll see people railroad someone into Project Manager straight away because no-one will want to do it. Everyone will sit back and hope that someone makes an absolute howler."
5. Do... prepare to be knackered
"It is really, really hard, and that's one thing they didn't tell us. I think they warn you for so many other things but they didn't say, 'Oh, when they say six o'clock on the TV, it's actually four o'clock'. The first three tasks were one day after another, so they were just rolling one day, one day, one day, four o'clock, four o'clock, four o'clock, and by the end of the first week, I was badgered. I was absolutely knackered."
6. Do... be naturally beautiful
"It is dead true that they only give you 20 minutes to get ready. I don't know how the girls looked as good as they did - thank God I've only got to put gel in my hair and I'm ready! Your natural beauty needs to be stellar."
7. Don't... lie
"Let's face it, you've got seven cameras watching everything you do, but some people still think they can lie and get away with it. I don't know what goes through some muppets' heads where they go, 'I can tell a porkie here and no-one will ever catch me out'."
8. Do... fight your corner in the Boardroom
"It is the most draining experience of my whole life because it's filmed for so many hours. But when you go in there you just really need to fight for your life. I think a lot of people just surrender - they go, 'Right, I'm knackered, I haven't had a sleep, I'm really tired and really hungry, we've been filming here for so long', and they kind of just go, 'I'm ready to go', and then I would just be relentless and ruthless. I would start crushing people and then they would give up and I think Sugar was like, 'Well, if he's going to do that in here he's probably going to do that in business, and that's what we're looking for'."
9. Don't... try to make Lord Sugar like you
"He is his own man and if you try to make him like you, I can bet my bottom dollar he'll hate you. You've just got to do you, because he is a very independent lone wolf sort of character. He won't make a decision based on whether he likes you or not - he'll make a decision based on whether you're a good business partner."
10. Do... fear Claude
"I'd be shitting myself. He is literally the scariest man I've ever sat across a table from. My toes were quaking in my boots when I met him. He's just got this steely look, and because of his bald head and he's short as well, he looks like this geezer in a pub who's just about to rip your head off.
"I think he'll hold as much presence at the other side of the board table as Sugar will - he's that frightening and he holds that much personality that the guys won't get away with absolutely anything. And Claude's going to be looking to set his authority - he's not going to take any prisoners. I reckon he'd fire someone out on a task. He is crazy."
11. Don't... go on the show just for fame like James
"The problem with the show is it's so good and it's gotten so popular that you get these clowns on there that want to go to Ex on the Beach and Big Brother and Made in Chelseaand they wouldn't know how to do a VAT return if their life depended on it. I said last year that Solomon would go on a reality TV show, which he has done. Sanjay would be on the front of Attitude magazine, which he has now done. And that James would go on Big Brother, which he's now done.
"I hate being so right but you could see it in their eyes at the time when we were filming almost a year and a half ago. It's a shame for the TV show. But at the end of the day it made my job a lot easier because I was actually a serious businessman and they weren't real contenders so it made the opportunity even easier for me."
The Apprentice returns on Wednesday (October 14) at 9pm on BBC One.
The Apprentice is back on Wednesday with a fresh batch of candidates all eagerly eyeing up Lord Sugar's
One person who made it through the process - and ended up with a serious injection of cash into his business - was 2014 winner Mark Wright (not that one, the other one), whose digital marketing agency Climb Online now has more than 25 employees and over 150 clients. Who better to give the new business hopefuls some tips?
1. Do... be yourself (unless you're a bit of a tit)
"When you watch the show, you can see people trying to pretend to be one of two things: either they try to be like candidates from the past who were successful, or they try and take on a persona of what they think the public wants. And they come crashing down because you're there for so long you can't be anyone but yourself. I think because I hadn't seen the show before, that was really in my favour."
2. Don't... be afraid to be ballsy (even if it rubs Lord Sugar up the wrong way)
"I think so many people are worried about putting themselves in the firing line and making a mistake that they don't do anything and they just get flushed out - they just become white noise in the end and then they get fired and no-one ever knows who you were. You're better off to make a decision. If it's the wrong one, go in there and justify what the decision was. And at least then Alan Sugar knows who you are, the other candidates know who you are and you're a bit of a contestant. Some people do absolutely jack crap because they don't want to make a mistake."
3. Don't... throw other candidates under the bus
"I was always throwing people under the bus! I think in the first couple of series you would have got away with it, but now Lord Sugar's been there 11 years, he has seen every trick in the book. So he calls you out, he smokes you out and he'll pick the guys out that are throwing people under the bus or just sitting back - he'll force them into Project Manager and then turn the screws on them to see what they're made of and they'll go."
© BBC / Boundless/Jim Marks Photography
4. Don't... let Lord Sugar forget your name
"Bless Lord Sugar, we love him, but he's getting a bit older now and he's not the best with names. The thing with him is he only sees what's in front of him so you need to put yourself dead in front of him, whether that's being Project Manager and winning, sticking up for someone when they're getting kicked, whatever it might be - he'll only notice you if you're doing something. And he will just fire you if he doesn't know you. It sounds so simple but I guarantee you the first task we'll see people railroad someone into Project Manager straight away because no-one will want to do it. Everyone will sit back and hope that someone makes an absolute howler."
5. Do... prepare to be knackered
"It is really, really hard, and that's one thing they didn't tell us. I think they warn you for so many other things but they didn't say, 'Oh, when they say six o'clock on the TV, it's actually four o'clock'. The first three tasks were one day after another, so they were just rolling one day, one day, one day, four o'clock, four o'clock, four o'clock, and by the end of the first week, I was badgered. I was absolutely knackered."
6. Do... be naturally beautiful
"It is dead true that they only give you 20 minutes to get ready. I don't know how the girls looked as good as they did - thank God I've only got to put gel in my hair and I'm ready! Your natural beauty needs to be stellar."
7. Don't... lie
"Let's face it, you've got seven cameras watching everything you do, but some people still think they can lie and get away with it. I don't know what goes through some muppets' heads where they go, 'I can tell a porkie here and no-one will ever catch me out'."
© BBC / Boundless/Jim Marks
8. Do... fight your corner in the Boardroom
"It is the most draining experience of my whole life because it's filmed for so many hours. But when you go in there you just really need to fight for your life. I think a lot of people just surrender - they go, 'Right, I'm knackered, I haven't had a sleep, I'm really tired and really hungry, we've been filming here for so long', and they kind of just go, 'I'm ready to go', and then I would just be relentless and ruthless. I would start crushing people and then they would give up and I think Sugar was like, 'Well, if he's going to do that in here he's probably going to do that in business, and that's what we're looking for'."
9. Don't... try to make Lord Sugar like you
"He is his own man and if you try to make him like you, I can bet my bottom dollar he'll hate you. You've just got to do you, because he is a very independent lone wolf sort of character. He won't make a decision based on whether he likes you or not - he'll make a decision based on whether you're a good business partner."
10. Do... fear Claude
"I'd be shitting myself. He is literally the scariest man I've ever sat across a table from. My toes were quaking in my boots when I met him. He's just got this steely look, and because of his bald head and he's short as well, he looks like this geezer in a pub who's just about to rip your head off.
"I think he'll hold as much presence at the other side of the board table as Sugar will - he's that frightening and he holds that much personality that the guys won't get away with absolutely anything. And Claude's going to be looking to set his authority - he's not going to take any prisoners. I reckon he'd fire someone out on a task. He is crazy."
11. Don't... go on the show just for fame like James
"The problem with the show is it's so good and it's gotten so popular that you get these clowns on there that want to go to Ex on the Beach and Big Brother and Made in Chelseaand they wouldn't know how to do a VAT return if their life depended on it. I said last year that Solomon would go on a reality TV show, which he has done. Sanjay would be on the front of Attitude magazine, which he has now done. And that James would go on Big Brother, which he's now done.
"I hate being so right but you could see it in their eyes at the time when we were filming almost a year and a half ago. It's a shame for the TV show. But at the end of the day it made my job a lot easier because I was actually a serious businessman and they weren't real contenders so it made the opportunity even easier for me."
The Apprentice returns on Wednesday (October 14) at 9pm on BBC One.