Alright, granddad, that BlackBerry you just pulled from your pocket is about as up to date as a Top of the Pops repeat featuring Glen Hoddle and Chris Waddle. Even Barack Obama has scrapped his BlackBerry in favour of something smarter.
That wasn't always the case though. Long before the iPhone 6S and Samsung Galaxy S7 dropped, and people scoffed at your BlackBerry-rocking ways, these QWERTY-loving devices were the pinnacle of gadget ownership. But no more. Not only is it hard to remember a time when BlackBerry was the dominant force in the smartphone space (seriously, they were) but BlackBerry has announced it will no longer make any phones. Sob.
Even at their prime those business-friendly handsets weren't without their quirks, though. As much as we all coveted their physical keyboard and email-pushing skills, between the brilliance, they could be confusing, frustrating things. Here's what you'll only know if you owned a '00s BlackBerry.
1. BBM was the king of all instant messaging services
A favourite among text-shunning teens and law-dodging drug dealers alike, BBM's free messaging options were a wallet-friendly two fingers to traditional texts long before the days of WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger. It was a means of communication that our parents were completely oblivious to and its encryption made it a favourite among those playing fast and loose with the law. Having jumped ship from BlackBerry devices, BBM lives on in Android and iOS compatible form, but it's lost some of its magic, and its users.
2. Having to remove the track ball to de-fluff your scrolls every 3 months
Before moving to a touch-pad navigation system, BlackBerrys rocked a physical trackball. This was the compact, mobile equivalent of your mouse's scroll wheel and let you whizz your way around the display in the pre-touchscreen era. It wasn't a fan of pocket fluff though. Within a few months of carrying your BlackBerry around, you had to de-fluff this little sphere. When things got really bad, that involved prying off the protective cover to clear the crud.
3. There was a day when emojis were cute, not a new world plague
Emoji weren't always the world's fastest growing language and bane of the language police. Back in BlackBerry's heyday, they were cuter, funnier and filled with far more sass than current offerings. From stroppy, arms-crossed emoji to the black-eyed, missing-toothed smiley, they were what emoji should be – emotive. There was also a "talk to the hand" emoji, because… Well, we were all sassier in those days.
4. Siri's grandma let you hunt down YouTube videos
Cortana, Google Now, Siri. Voice-activated search assistants are all the rage now. They weren't birthed with Apple's gobby assistant though – way before the days of Siri, BlackBerry had its own voice-enabled command system. The BlackBerry 7 Universal Search tool wasn't limited to locating desired emails, contacts or songs stored on the device, either. Connected to the web, it could help you find specific YouTube videos, all without the need for endless button presses.
5. Non-BlackBerry owners had no idea how to unlock your phone
Like asking a monkey to solve a complex puzzle, giving your handset to a BlackBerry noob resulted in confused looks, frustration and, occasionally, full-on tantrums. Working in reverse to Nokia handsets - the other giant of the time - BlackBerry's unlocked with a couple of counterintuitive button presses. Still, that's one way to keep prying eyes from your first sext attempts.
6. Having the ability to make your mate's phone buzz with a single word
I sent you a message 3 minutes ago, why the chuff haven't you responded? Right, that's it, you're getting pinged! Like a phone-sized Facebook 'Poke' or MSN Messenger 'Nudge', BlackBerry's Pings were the ultimate attention grabber, making the recipient's device vibrate. They had to be used wisely though. This feature spoilt many a friendship when one party - making an early hours return from the club - would drunkenly spam their friend's phone with vibration-inducing Pings. The sleep-depriving idiots.
7. Being able to set your own text-based shortcuts
As good as the BlackBerry's physical keyboard was, all that button bashing could get pretty tiring on the old digits. It was good then that the Canadian company let you create text-based shortcuts to further speed up your typing game. We're not just talking about LOLs and BRBs either. You could make your own, such as tapping out FFS to be replaced by 'for fudge's sake' or GoT for 'Game of Thrones'. Except that last one was limited to fans of the books in those days, of course.
8. You didn't even have to remember your own number
Remembering phone numbers is a forgotten art, and that's in part down to BlackBerry, who introduced a feature that meant you'd never even have to remember your own number. Instead of tapping out 11 digits, you could bash out 8 letters instead to send someone in your contacts. In BBM, typing in "mynumber" would sub out the space-bereft text with your personal deets. Handy, especially on nights out when alcohol was hampering your numerical recall skills.
9. There was an era when we weren't all concerned about security
Long before the days of iPhone domination, BlackBerrys were the only handset of choice for every half-baked business person. All this private and important data doing the rounds wasn't a worry though, BlackBerrys were more secure than a reinforced piggy bank. Encrypted emails, secure servers, they were a step ahead of the iCloud-infringing, Android malware filled present.
10. A solid work/life balance used to be a whole lot easier
Smartphones are wonderful, amazing, fantabulous things. They suck at letting us slack off work though. With instant access to emails, cloud-stored documents and every form of digital communication going, they let work seep into our personal lives like poison through a colander. BlackBerry
Balance was the answer, letting you seamlessly switch between professional and party caps on a single device.
11. You could be quicker than Usain Bolt… At answering emails
In a pre-touchscreen, pre-predictive text era - back in the days when text speak wz all da rage wid da kidz - BlackBerry's QWERTY keyboard gave you superhero-style speed in responding to emails. These fast replies weren't just down to the keyboard though. BlackBerry's push email system was a revelation. In an era of sluggish systems, it was like jumping from a steam engine to jet propulsion.
12. Having to to do "battery pull" resets whenever it jammed up
Before we were treated to high-end handsets hewn from metal and glass, our plastic-fantastic handsets had a removable rear providing access to the battery among other things. Unless you were Billy Big Briefcase, you didn't carry a spare battery, but this access was still essential. Prone to the occasional bit of bricking, the BlackBerry quick fix was to simply pull out the battery and drop it back in. It solved all the issues… Four times a week.