Wise Words for You

Photo by Quinten de Graaf on Unsplash In case it wasn’t obvious from the title, I’m writing an imaginary letter to my 22-year-old self about what I wished I had done at an earlier age to build mental toughness and emotional resilience. And while I think these tips are exceptionally beneficial at a young age, I also think they’re evergreen — useful no matter what decade of your life you find yourself in. Dear Nick, Believe it or not, turns out you become a psychologist and therapist (Sorry, the NFL never called back). As someone who spends all day talking to people about their struggles, one thing you quickly learn is that eventually everybody has stressful, sometimes tragic, things happen to them: The love of their life is unfaithful. They get fired from their dream job. They start having debilitating panic attacks out of the blue. A close friend is killed tragically. Stress, challenge, pain, and tragedy are inevitable, in one form or another. But th...

Photo by  Scott Broome  on  Unsplash I’ve had only one successful relationship in my life, but it has lasted for over 17 years. It began under the most unlikely and challenging circumstances. And I credit the  Golden Rule  of relationships for overcoming those odds. Our bond strengthens when we follow this rule and weakens when we stray from it. All other acts of love follow when you do this first. We danced around the border of friends and lovers but never crossed the threshold, despite the constant encouragement of our mutual friends. She was moving to Colorado in less than three months. My opportunity to make something happen was vanishing. I had one chance left. It was the night of the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah in September of 2002. I went to my parents’ house in Long Island and would not be back in New York City until night time. “ I’ll be at American Trash ,” she said. “ Come by when you get back .” It was a bar, only a block fro...

Photo by  Andrey Zvyagintsev  on  Unsplash We tend to think of  emotionally mature  and  immature  as concepts that apply to children: Emotionally Mature:   Little Lisa is just so polite and respectful and always waits patiently after asking for something. Emotionally Immature:   Little Johnny throws a fit when he doesn’t get what he wants, something even his younger sister doesn’t do . But here’s the thing: Emotional maturity is not something you  automatically  grow into as you age. You don’t instantly become emotionally mature when you turn 18 and society labels you an adult. Nor do you magically become emotionally mature when you get your first job, get married, have a kid, or retire. Unlike physical maturity, which happens more or less automatically, emotional maturity is largely learned, practiced, and reinforced. And many of us were not taught the skills and habits that foster emotional maturity. Or perhap...